Recovery Escapades:
A Newsletter Of 2nd Chance Life Across Cardiac County Line Road
Episode Eight: Mars Wore Red, Venus Wore Pink
I wear a foot long cardiac surgery scar that was once bright red, and is now pink. And that change of color begs some questions.
If Mars wore red and Venus wore pink, who was I at the time of fresh raw red; and who am I now at the middling pink stage of things?
What will I choose to become when this pink line fades into its background tone of pale freckled Irish American cream? Will I slink back into the same old same old guy?
This cardiac crisis has brought some lovely long needed change into my life, saving graces. A grace occurred when the cage around a heart indifferent to the call to live different and live better - when ... well things got better once I accepted that the cage had to be cracked open.
That is how better thoughts and habits gained access, came in and took root. As my scar fades, am I now in some fading state of grace? Will it be harder to continue choosing these good changes after this scar toughens?
All these questions vex me, and more. Wears me out sometimes thinking about them. Maybe the best answer is a walk, another snack, a glass of tea, and a nice nap. OK, let's go play kindergarten.
Wanna come along?
Yours truly and somberly (til my next nap)
From Across Cardiac County Line Road
James Sullivan
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1 comment:
Good questions, all. The novelty of active change keeps energy flowing liberally. When the endpoint is in sight, things happen, a let down of wild inspiration and a mellowing outlook that may even become a little melancholy. Since I'm reading this journal backwards in time, I know you're doing well, one day at a time. Hope the kindergarten state still exists in some back corner of your mind, and hope that when you revive it, you'll let us know where you'll be playing!
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